Why Envy likes Psychology!
by Kitty Nekkyo
Summary: This will be a series of one-shots, each featuring Ed and Envy in a different class. So far Psychology and Health have been featured.
1. Psychology

"OK class today we will be studying psychiatric methods. I will need two volunteers to demonstrate how this project will be done." At this the teacher scanned the class for her victims….I mean volunteers. A smirk came to her face when she spotted a daydreaming blond and a slumbering green-haired boy. "Ed, Envy. Why don't you two come up and demonstrate?" she asked cheerfully but the sharp glint in her eye said 'do it or else'.

Ed snapped out of his daze and glared at the teacher. However, his glare faltered when he saw the glint in his teacher's eyes.

"Oh and why don't you wake up your partner on your way up" she added with that same glint.

Ed grumbled and stomped over to the sleeping green haired youth. "Yo Palmtree, wake up." He shouted in the boy's ear.

Envy shot up and glared at Ed. "What do you want chibi?' he mumbled.

"The teacher wants us to demonstrate how to do the project" Ed grumbled then walked up to the front with a curious Envy following close behind.

"OK now Envy will be the therapist and Ed will be the patient. Envy, you are allowed to ask any questions you think will allow you to make an adequate diagnosis of Ed's personality." The teacher informed them causing Ed to blanch and Envy to smirk.

"OK Edo, how are you today?" Envy asked cheerfully.

"Ummm…OK I guess" was the weary answer.

"How has school been for you" Envy asked seriously.

"Great! I've been getting straight A's." Ed replied happily.

"Good, Good" Envy murmured before smirking. "Do you have a trigger of some sort that causes you to become irrationally furious instantly?"

"Yes. I hate it when people call me short" Ed bit out angrily.

Envy nodded in contemplation. "Why does it affect you so much? Does it make you insecure? Does it make you feel insignificant?" he asked curiously.

"It makes me feel like they are talking down to me" Ed answered truthfully.

"But technically they are talking down to you chibi" Envy told him with a grin.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY BUG THAT ESCAPES THE WRATH OF A SHOE BECAUSE HE'S SO SMALL THAT HE FITS IN THE GROOVES AND CAN'T GET SQUASHED?" Ed shouted loudly as he stood up and waved a fist threateningly at Envy.

"Are you a virgin?" Envy asked while trying to keep the smirk off his face.

Ed stopped immediately and blinked. In milliseconds his face was bright read and he was gaping. "What the hell kind of question his that?" he screeched accusingly.

"Just answer the question Edo"

"Yes" Ed mumbled just loud enough for Envy to hear.

"Good to know chibi" Envy said. "Do you have a crush on anyone?"

"Yes" Ed replied, slowly turning redder by the second.

"Who?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because I'm your therapist" was Envy's overly cheerful reply.

"No you aren't" Ed pointed out heatedly.

"Are you gay?" Envy asked suddenly.

"Yes." Ed stated, froze, then suddenly flushed even redder when he realized what he said. "What the fuck?" he yelled.

"So you are gay!" Envy said happily. (A/N: I wonder why? -note the sarcasm please-)

"Damn you" Ed grumbled.

"Ok you two that was very good. Now class your project is to choose a partner and either use a tape recorder or video recorder to record a session like the one you just saw. I want it to be an hour long as that is the normal time a session will last." She told them.

_Brrrriiiinnnnngggg_

"Well that's the bell so see you next class!" She said as her students ran out the door. "Oh and Ed, Envy" she called out to the two before they could leave. "Since you two already worked together and did such a wonderful job, I want you two to be partners" she told them before turning to her paperwork, signaling the end of the discussion.

Ed just stared at her in shock, his jaw slack. Envy sighed and grabbed his chibi's hand and started dragging him out of the room. "Come on chibi we'll do the project at my apartment. I have a tape recorder we can use" Envy said as he continued to drag the blond with him.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Envy opened the door to his apartment and hauled Ed in with him. He snapped his fingers in front of the blond's face which effectively snapped him out of his daze.

"Where am I?" he asked as he looked around.

"My apartment chibi. We have to do the project and since I have a tape recorder and you were currently dazed, I dragged you to my apartment so we could start working on it." Envy told him then left the room.

Envy walked back into the living room and placed the tape recorder on the table. "OK chibi, I'll be the therapist and you be the patient. Now let's begin" He said then started the recorder.

For the first half our of the session, Envy actually asked realistic question to analyze Ed's behavioral aspects and traits. Then he started to get bored and gained that familiar mischievous glint to his eyes.

"So Edo, how is your sex life?" Envy asked.

Ed, who had been drinking some tea, choked on his drink and sputtered incoherent sentences. "What sex life?" Ed finally managed to choke out. "Sure I'm of age but I'm not having sex with someone unless I'm in love with them and they love me back" Ed half yelled, half whispered. (A/N: is that possible?)

Envy smiled. "But you do love somebody?"

Ed blushed and murmured a quiet "yes."

Envy remained quiet and deep in thought. Suddenly a feral grin lit up his face. He then started to shoot off a series of short questions, that Ed knew the answer to, at a rapid pace forcing Ed to answer quickly as well without thinking much about the answer.

"What colors your hair?"

"Blond"

"Do you hate your father?"

"Duh!"

"Who do you love?"

"You" Ed answered, blinked, then covered his mouth with his hands and blushed madly. "You cheated" he cried out.

Envy was grinning madly, looking very very happy. "So I'm the one you like huh?" Envy emphasized.

Ed turned redder but slowly, very slowly nodded. His eyes darted around the room in search of an escape or distraction but found none. He looked back at Envy only to find the green-haired boy advancing on him in a way not unlike a lion stalking it's prey. "Uh Envy. What are you do-mmph!" Ed started to question but what silenced when Envy's mouth covered his own. His eyes widened in surprise at the unexpected but welcomed kiss. He gasped when he felt Envy lick his lips.

Envy eagerly plunged his tongue into his chibi's mouth when he had gasped and savored Ed's intoxicating flavor. Finally, the unholy need for air over powered their senses and forced them to break apart. Envy looked down at Ed and smirked when he saw the glazed look in Ed's eyes. He stood up and started to drag his chibi to the bedroom. "Time to administer my kind of thereapy" he said cheerfully before closing the door behind him.

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Kitty: OMG I wrote a oneshot!

Ed: -.-;; yes people this is her first one shot and she wrote it in her psychology class.

Kitty: yuppers. I hope you liked my story and please review and give your opinion and sorry if you were expecting a lemon but….me no writie lemons. Can't do it without turning as red as a tomato!

Ed: Yup so please review!


	2. Health Class

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Note: Well many of you wanted me to continue this and although I know its long in coming, I've finally gotten the next chapter done! My inspiration for Fullmetal Alchemist is back thanks to my new obsession with the manga series. I hope you enjoy and please review.

**Important:** This fanfiction will be listed as completed because each story could be taken separately as it is just a series of one shot. There really is no story line and the only connection is the relationship between Ed and Envy. This story _will have updates. _

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"Alright class, eyes forward please!" The teacher commanded, looking around at the students with a stern eye.

It was health class and while normally that wouldn't mean much, it was just a normal health class. Today was the day the teacher taught Sex Ed to a bunch of horny high school students.

Mentally praying for strength and patience, the teacher finally settled the class down enough to take roll call.

"Acre, Holly?"

"Here!"

"Bores, Richard?"

"Here!"

The teacher continued on, checking down any students on her list that weren't there.

"Elric, Edward?"

"Present!" the blond replied.

"And taken!"

Glaring at his green haired boyfriend, the golden eyed teen growled in annoyance. Crossing his arms, he faced front with the intent of fully ignoring the other.

The teacher sighed in annoyance and continued on with the list.

"Netami, Envy?"

"Occupied but here!" the cheerful voice replied.

Said teen was currently trying to molest his golden haired boyfriend. Said boyfriend was resolutely ignoring the molestation except for a few times where he literally smacked the green haired teen on the head.

"Envy, please keep your hands to yourself. I know you're eager to learn what I'm sure you already know in detail, but the other students will need this knowledge and I will be having a quiz later this week on what is taught." The teacher scolded in exasperation.

Edward blushed profusely at his teacher's dry tone while mentioning Envy's prior knowledge to the material they were covering today.

"I suppose I should pay attention." Envy mused to himself out loud. "Although a do know the male body quite intimately," here he leered at Ed who blushed and tried to sink down in his seat. "I'm not quite so familiar with the anatomy of the female species." He grinned again. "Not that I'll need that information in real life. Right Chibi-san?"

Blushing an even brighter red, Ed sunk further into his seat while mentally planning Envy's demise.

Yet again, the teacher rolled their eyes at the blatant sexual innuendo Envy put into his words. She quickly finished the rest of the attendance sheet before turning back to the class.

"As you know, today you will be learning Sex Ed. Although, I'm sure many of you are thinking that you know all you'll need to know about Sex, I assure you it is far more complicated than simply inserting rod A into slot B."

The students snickered at their teacher's words.

"Today's class will be focused solely on the anatomy and actual mechanics of sex." She glared at the class to keep them quite. "Tomorrow, however, will be focused on the various sexually transmitted diseases and the prevention of both spreading and contracting these diseases. If we have enough time, we'll discuss contraceptives and protection against pregnancy."

Envy instantly raised his hand as she gave the signal for the class to ask any questions they might have.

Sighing, the teacher pinched the bridge of their nose. "Yes Envy?"

Putting on his most innocent face, Envy gave the teacher a confused look. "Will we be learning the mechanics of sex between two males?"

Finally cracking, Edward snarled and stood up, stalking over to Envy. He grabbed one of the teen's green spikes and looked at his teacher with an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry for my boyfriend's immature behavior. I suggest that instead of further interrupting your class, Envy and I will go to the library and _quietly_ study the anatomy of both genders." He gave the spike a yank, causing Envy to whine. "I'll be sure to keep a strict eye on him and keep him under control."

The teacher nodded.

"That sounds fine." The teacher quickly wrote out a pass for them to the library. "Tell the librarian you're taking this class and she'll give you the correct book to study from." The teacher looked down their nose on the two boys. "Be sure to study hard, I expect you to get no less than a B on the upcoming quiz."

Nodding, Ed dragged his complaining boyfriend from the classroom. Once they were further from the room, the golden eyes teen settled a glare on his boyfriend.

"You need to learn to control yourself Envy." He scolded. "I don't mind that kind of teasing in private but when in the company of others I expect you to exercise some measure of restraint."

Envy pouted and tugged the smaller teen into his arms.

"I'm sorry Chibi-san. I just find you so irresistible when you blush. So I endeavor to cause it as often as I can!" He said pathetically. Giving Ed the puppy dog eyes of doom.

Ed tried to remain strict, he really did, but ended up caving in the end.

"I forgive you Envy, but please, in the future, control yourself when you're in front of others." Ed begged.

Envy pulled his boyfriend into a hug and held him tight.

"Alright, just for you though."

Ed grinned up at him.

"Thank you, Envy."

The soothing smile on Envy's face soon turned into an outright leer as he let his hands trail lower and lower down Ed's back.

"But that control won't extend to when we're at home." He gave Ed's ass a quick squeeze causing the blond to squeak and blush.

"Fine." Ed relented.

With a grin, Envy grabbed hold of Ed's hand and skipped down the hallways towards the library.

"And tonight we'll study male anatomy more in-depth and personally!"

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Note: I have no beta, so take pity and report any spelling or grammer errors you find and their correction in a review or PM. Thank you.


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